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Sports for Geeks

Posted on November 29, 2013
Tags: opinions

Over the last few months, I have been acquiring various tidbits of knowledge to do with sports. This has been essential since my girlfriend likes football.

Here is a brief summary of what I’ve learned:

Danny’s Neanderthal-Level Guide to Sports

  1. Football players don’t wear “tights”
  2. It’s never OK to say “This is pointless”
  3. Touchdowns are good
  4. Flags are bad
  5. Unless it’s against the other team
  6. The ref is dumb. Always
  7. Penalties are bad
  8. Unless it’s against the other team
  9. The other team is barely human
  10. It is acceptable to dance upon completing a “touch-down”
  11. Field goals are good
  12. Smiling is bad
  13. Upon fumbling, a player is dead to us
  14. It is acceptable to shoot the quarter back following an interception
  15. Make-up for fans is OK if it’s the teams colors
  16. Beer hats are ingenious precisely within a stadium
  17. Shirts are always optional in a stadium. Even in November. Or when you’re overweight.
  18. the-team-we-don’t-like (TTWDL) will never win. Ever.
  19. TTWDL is synonymous with devil.
  20. People who support TTWDL are the devil’s children
  21. the-team-we-like (TTWL) are meant to win. Any other outcome is not possible
  22. The quarter-back is always hot
  23. An injury on the TTWL is unspeakably horrible
  24. If you yell at the TV, they can hear you
  25. Some teams just need to be put out of their misery early in the season
  26. It is never OK to say “it’s just a game”
  27. Football players are not just big kids who never grew up
  28. If someone is “first pick” then they are good and we want then on our team
  29. “Our team” is an appropriate saying for a team that we like even though we are in no way associated with that team
  30. Fantasy football isn’t silly or at all like Dungeons and Dragons and other pretend games

This is all I got so far.

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