Sports for Geeks

Over the last few months, I have been acquiring various tidbits of knowledge to do with sports. This has been essential since my girlfriend likes football.

Here is a brief summary of what I’ve learned:

Danny’s Neanderthal-Level Guide to Sports

1. Football players don’t wear “tights”
2. It’s never OK to say “This is pointless”
3. Touchdowns are good
4. Flags are bad
5. Unless it’s against the other team
6. The ref is dumb. Always
7. Penalties are bad
8. Unless it’s against the other team
9. The other team is barely human
10. It is acceptable to dance upon completing a “touch-down”
11. Field goals are good
12. Smiling is bad
13. Upon fumbling, a player is dead to us
14. It is acceptable to shoot the quarter back following an interception
15. Make-up for fans is OK if it’s the teams colors
16. Beer hats are ingenious precisely within a stadium
17. Shirts are always optional in a stadium. Even in November. Or when you’re overweight.
18. the-team-we-don’t-like (TTWDL) will never win. Ever.
19. TTWDL is synonymous with devil.
20. People who support TTWDL are the devil’s children
21. the-team-we-like (TTWL) are meant to win. Any other outcome is not possible
22. The quarter-back is always hot
23. An injury on the TTWL is unspeakably horrible
24. If you yell at the TV, they can hear you
25. Some teams just need to be put out of their misery early in the season
26. It is never OK to say “it’s just a game”
27. Football players are not just big kids who never grew up
28. If someone is “first pick” then they are good and we want then on our team
29. “Our team” is an appropriate saying for a team that we like even though we are in no way associated with that team
30. Fantasy football isn’t silly or at all like Dungeons and Dragons and other pretend games

This is all I got so far.